Never mess with a Marine's coffee
by CrazyStarfinder
Summary: “You've got an empty coffee cup lying on your boss' desk and you know you're gonna pay for it. What do you do?” Tony asked. “What...do...you...do? Plenty of TATE banter.


NCIS: Never mess with a Marine's coffee.

Author: Kelly

Disclaimer: I own nothing, all of the characters and everything NCIS related belong to their owners.

Summary: "You've got an empty coffee cup lying on your boss' desk and you know you're gonna pay for it. What do you do?" Tony asked. "What...do...you...do?"

_Rule #23: Never mess with a Marine's coffee if you want to live Jethro Gibbs._

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs sipped leisurely at his coffee as he read through the morning's mail. Again, there was nothing of immediate importance to him and he set them down. There was a thoughtful expression as he looked around.

Tony DiNozzo and Timothy McGee were behind his desk conferring about something when in actuality they were playing space invaders and Caitlin Todd glanced up to them in agitation every so often.

_Just a normal day at the office then _he thought while reaching for his coffee once more. Gibbs paused and got to his feet, as he needed to go the head. DiNozzo watched Gibbs from the corner of his eye and waited for him to disappear before looking to Kate. "What?"

"You and McGee," Kate said simply.

"Me?" McGee asked his head popping over the monitor at her.

"You honestly think that Gibbs doesn't know what you two are doing?" Kate asked getting up from behind her desk and walking over to them.

"Has he said anything…Kate?" Tony retorted walking around the desk until he was standing face to face with her.

"He doesn't have to…Tony."

"Guys," McGee said quietly. "You two aren't gonna argue are you?"

"Relax Probie," Tony retorted glancing to him then looking to Kate. "I'll try not to hurt her."

"Oh you think you could put me down?" Kate answered with some degree of amusement in her tone.

Tony leaned in even further. "Yeah."

"Guys," McGee repeated. "The last thing Gibbs needs is to walk in here and find Tony lying unconscious on the floor."

"Yeah," Tony said then actually realised what McGee had said. He was basically saying that Kate could kick his ass. "Hey! Whose side are you on McGee?"

"Well…"

"He has sense Tony," Kate replied and Tony turned to her.

"Oh I could put you down…" Tony searched for the words and stammered. "I…just don't want too."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah."

"Oh really," Kate repeated. "Because some people might think you're scared of…"

"I am not scared of you," Tony said looking down at her.

Narrowing her eyes, Kate placed her hands on her hips and said firmly. "It's because I'm a woman isn't it."

"Well…yeah," Tony replied carefully and got a slap on the arm for his trouble. "Oww."

"Just because you're a man and I'm a woman you assume that you're a lot stronger and better than things than me," Kate said quickly while resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

"That pretty much sums it up," Tony admitted which earned him another slap on the arm. "Oww."

"Guys," McGee said once more but this time they both ignored him.

"May I remind you that I worked for the president Tony," Kate continued not backing down from DiNozzo.

"Ahh but you don't work for him anymore do you Kate," Tony retorted with a triumphant expression. "Game, set and match to Anthony DiNozzo." Kate stared up at him and slapped his arm yet again. "Oww."

"Nobody likes people who gloat Tony," she retorted.

"Guys."

"I didn't realise you were so violent Kate. You know what they say about repressed people right?" Tony said goading her even more. Perhaps he enjoyed arguing with her a little too much.

"I am not..." Kate hit his arm again, a little harder this time.

"Guys!"

"Repressed," Kate finished as a stapler flew in their direction.

Both Kate and Tony stepped out of the path of the flying stapler and it hurled through the air. Kate watched after the stapler while Tony stared at McGee. "McGee!"

"What?" he asked standing up. "I had to do something to separate you two."

"And you thought you'd do that by hurling a stapler at us?" Tony retorted sarcastically.

"It didn't hit you did it," McGee answered quickly.

"That's besides the point Probie."

"Tony."

"What?" he asked paying attention back to Kate. Was she ready for another round or something? Her gaze was elsewhere, fixated even. Tony followed it down to the surface of Gibbs desk where one minute ago stood a cup of coffee. The Styrofoam cup rolled gently from side to side before coming to a complete stand still. Coffee formed a pool next to it, dripping off the edge of the table and splattered onto the carpet. "Oh man."

They both stared at McGee who looked like a deer caught in headlights. "You knocked over Gibbs' coffee," Kate said in disbelief.

"You're in for it now," Tony added theatrically. "You're gonna die."

"I didn't mean…" McGee stammered.

"Kate do you remember Agent Banks?" Tony asked.

"No."

"You probably wouldn't…you see…he knocked over Gibbs coffee and no one ever saw him again." Tony was clearly enjoying this chance to torment McGee and he was so ripe for it too. "You've got an empty coffee cup lying on your boss' desk McGee and you know you're gonna pay for it. What do you do?" Tony asked. "What…do..you…do?"

Kate glanced to Tony as he said that, she was pretty sure that it was a line from the movie Speed and that he had just altered it for his own personal use. Lame…even for Tony.

"But it was an accident," McGee said.

"It was just an accident with Banks," Tony answered then bit his fist. "Poor guy."

"Ignore him McGee," Kate said gently. "All you need to do is clean it up and replace it. He'll never know." McGee moved around his desk following her advise when Gibbs reappeared. The three of them stood still and remained silent as he walked over to them. He went to sit down at his desk when he saw the coffee dripping down.

Gibbs was unusually calm as he reached for the cup and stood it back up. McGee was holding his breath and loosened the collar of his shirt. Tony exchanged a look with Kate while pointing to McGee and mouthing: _Dead Man. _"Who's responsible for this?" Gibbs asked quietly while looking up to his three main suspects. It had to be one of them because they were acting damn peculiar.

All three of them looked to one another and Gibbs looked back down to his desk. Kate and Tony silently pushed McGee forward and told him to come clean. Something caught Gibbs' eye and he reached out for it. His fingers wrapped around the stapler and he picked it up, turning it over in his hands.

McGee swallowed once more and finally took that step towards him while glancing back to Tony who was making a swiping gesture at his own neck with a grin. He cleared his throat and turned back to Gibbs. "Uh…boss…about your coffee…well…it…it was…"

"You," Gibbs said looking up at him. "I know." McGee went to ask him how he knew as Gibbs turned over the stapler to reveal a label saying: _Property of Timothy McGee_. He looked down at it in alarm then back up.

"Sorry boss, I'm sorry."

"Kate," Gibbs said without taking his eyes off of McGee. "Get me some paper towels." With one more look to McGee, Kate squeezed past them in order to get some.

"You want me to clean it up for you boss?" McGee asked as Gibbs handed him his stapler.

"No. I want you to go get me some more coffee McGee," he replied while shoving his hands into his pockets. McGee wordlessly nodded as he was taking this far better than any of them anticipated. He set the stapler down on his desk and walked over to the elevator.

Tony chuckled although he was disappointed the Gibbs hadn't slapped him around the back of the head that would have been sweet.

"And McGee," Gibbs said coming alongside Tony. McGee pressed the button for the elevator and turned around. "You have two minutes." McGee glanced to Tony.

"Better run Probie," Tony added. McGee immediately headed for the stairwell and burst through the doors. "Run McGee Run," Tony shouted cupping his hands around his mouth. "Work those little legs!"

Gibbs pulled his hands out of his pockets and slapped him around the back of the head. Tony uncupped his hands and glanced back to him with a "what was that for" look. Gibbs put his hands back in his pockets and said: "No one likes people who gloat DiNozzo."

The End


End file.
